The one with vodka and confessions
by Rebeliz777
Summary: Santana knew, she was always able to read her even when Quinn tried to remain emotionless and closed down. But what else could she do at that moment? It didn't matter what Santana said because she had done everything she could and it wasn't enough. Faberry, Quinn's attemp to stop Rachel's wedding.


**I don't own anything. **

**Set right after the win at sectionals in S3. **

**The one with vodka and confessions **

"Quinn, you coming?" she blinked and looked to her right, Santana was waiting for her and she didn't know for how long she has.

Her once best friend looked almost apologetic and Quinn couldn't stand the sympathy, not from Santana, not when she felt like a complete failure when the brunette was in front of her.

She looked away and swallowed the lump in her throat because the jealousy and the anger at knowing that even Santana could do it and she didn't, was killing her.

She was supposed to be bravest, the strongest, not Santana.

"You could always _do _something, y'know?" Santana walked out of the dressing room leaving Quinn with those words and the fact that the girl that just walked out was giving her ideas of how to make things better made her feel worst.

Of course Santana knew, she was always able to read her even when Quinn tried to remain emotionless and closed down.

But what else could she do at that moment? It didn't matter what Santana said because she had done everything she could.

She had talked to Rachel, she had gone all the way telling her that she wouldn't stay around and watch her ruin her life by marrying Finn but the brunette didn't listen and now they just won Regionals and everyone was getting ready to go to the wedding.

_The wedding. _

Just the thought of Rachel in a white dress made her heart twitch with pain, she didn't want to see her wearing a wedding dress unless she was the one waiting for her at the altar and she most definitely didn't want to go to this wedding because she knew that Rachel was meant for bigger and better things and none of those things included Finn Hudson.

With her heart on her hand Quinn made her way to the Coach's office and after Sue gave her the Cheerio's uniform back a new determination rose within her, she couldn't let Rachel do this, she _wouldn't_ let her ruin her life like this.

The red uniform fit her body perfectly but when she saw her reflection on the girl's bathroom mirror she saw someone completely different from her sophomore year, this Quinn was more mature, this Quinn had a way out of Lima, this Quinn had been through so much and being captain of the cheerios and the celibacy club didn't seem important now, having a boyfriend wasn't substantial.

This Quinn had more depth, she was a fighter, she was in love and she had a wedding to stop.

On her way out she thanked Kurt and Blaine for complimenting her looks and ego without knowing that they just gave her the last push of confidence to do what she needed it to do.

When her eyes landed on Rachel she couldn't suppress but smile that suddenly lit her face because that was the effect that the girl had on her, that was the power of the brunette's presence in her life.

"Hey," Rachel looked beautiful; victory was definitely a good look on the girl as she shone with pride.

The surprise was obvious when Rachel's eyes caught sight of the blonde and Quinn was quick to explain, "Coach Sylvester gave it to me earlier and I couldn't resist" she said motioning down to her uniform.

Vulnerability was never an appealing feeling, especially for Quinn and especially regarding her looks, but she let her emotions show because she wanted Rachel to know everything about her.

No more secrets.

"You look great Quinn, you do but I need to find my dads and get home to pick up my dress," and there it was, that sad look on Rachel's face every time she talked about the wedding, if Quinn wasn't determined before that, then was definitely determined then.

"I can drive you," the offer fell out of her lips before she could stop herself but for once in her life, Quinn didn't regret a rush decision.

"You don't have to, I know where you stand with my plans on this wedding Quinn but thank you anyway, it means a lot that you'd offer."

As Rachel's hair whipped, Quinn's whole body went cold.

For a split second she remembered when she was thirteen and her older sister had thrown ice cold water on top of her head from the balcony of the second floor. The feeling of numbness that came right after her heart literally stopped and the longest two seconds of her life that took her to realize what had actually happened.

But there was no time to stand and think, there was no time to breathe, there was no time to formulate a plan on how to stop everything from happening but she was going to try anyway.

She reached out and held onto Rachel's hand and fighting against every living molecule of her body, she ignored the sensations that the simple touch provoked on her skin and kept walking down the corridor like she wasn't holding the hand on the girl that held her heart, she kept walking as if in her mind she wasn't imagining what it would be like to hold the same hand and have a different meaning, she kept walking as if she could breathe, as if everything was alright.

"Come on, I'll drive you," she said and relished in the perfection that was Rachel's hand in her own because if there was ever a perfect fit, it would have to be her hand holding Rachel's.

"Get in" she held the door open and reluctantly let go of the warm hand she was holding.

She was aware of the hesitations that the brunette was feeling, that's why she felt blessed and lucky and maybe she let her hopes up too high, too quickly when she offered a small smile and saw Rachel's doubts go away in a split second.

They drove in a comfortable silence even though the big pink elephant was singing a loud song in the back seat of Quinn's red bug because none of the girls actually forgot where they were going, why they were doing it and for what they were doing it for.

"Take a right here, please" the brunette politely asked and Quinn smiled to herself because she knew where the brunette lived, she always did. Since junior year she had made it a nightly event to get on her car and drive around Rachel's street just for the heck of it, to check if her parent's car was in the driveway, to be sure that nothing out of the ordinary was happening and that the Berrys were fine.

She couldn't repeat that line after the first few months though.

As soon as the brunette's house comes to view Rachel's starts to twist with her hands on her lap, a clear sign that she was getting nervous but that wasn't what got Quinn's attention, no. It was the lip bite.

Rachel's bottom lip was firmly caught between her teeth and Quinn's mouth watered at the sight and she found herself wondering for the thousand time, what would those lips taste like?

But before she could start to wonder about those sinful lips they got to Rachel's house and the blonde was out of her car before Rachel could even blink, opening the door and offering a hand for her to hold.

It was such a simple gesture, unnecessary really but Rachel's heart fluttered because no one had ever done it before, not even her soon to be husband.

It was scary. A scary feeling, a scary sight, a scary prospect to know that there _is_ actually better, so she got out of the car making sure to not touch the extended hand in front of her.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, trying and failing to remain calm and collected. "You were so opposed to this wedding and now you're brining me home to get my dress?"

"I'm still opposed to this wedding; I don't want you to…"

"I don't need to hear it Quinn, you said it last week when we were at the shop, I don't need to hear it again, it's enough" the rage in those chocolate eyes made Quinn want to just grab the girl by the shoulders and shake her until she saw things clear but a plan started to form in the back of her mind and the confused expression on her face was quickly replaced by a serenity.

"Let me make it up to you, I want to be there for you now."

"You want to come to the wedding?" Rachel was furrowing but all Quinn did was smile and hope that the girl trusted her.

"If you'll still have me then yes, I want to come to the wedding to support you and… _Finn_" completely ignoring the disgust in Quinn's tone, Rachel's face lit up in happiness and she hugged Quinn with all her force.

Quinn sighed inside the hug; she didn't fight it as she melded her body against Rachel's. If they could only stay that way for a little bit longer.

The brunette stepped back too soon but contact wasn't lost as she took Quinn's hand and dragged the cheerleader inside of her house and up the stairs to her room where she took off her coat without an ounce of apprehension.

Quinn swallowed with difficulty at the sight of an excited Rachel, the girl always had to look like a little kid on a candy store when things were going her way and the day of her wedding was no exception.

She was like a little hurricane, running around her bedroom, picking up her utensils, the white dress, her shoes while Quinn only stared at her with a small smile tugging her lips.

Her eyes wondered around the room as Rachel got into her in-suite and she took in the yellow walls and pink sheets that were just _so_ Rachel. She didn't know how or why she got to that conclusion but she did because everything looked completely innocent and on some level childish, everything was real, this was the room of a person that still had hope; that still believed in dreams and would still do whatever it takes to make those dreams come true.

As her eyes fell on a Glee Club picture on the brunette's nightstand she realized that Rachel was family in many ways, in some more important that others because Rachel had always represented kindness and happiness in so many ways and as she stood leaning on the door frame of the girl's bedroom she didn't want to leave.

"I want to see you happy" she buttered making Rachel stop what she was doing and turn around to face Quinn, who was watching her with a serene expression.

"Well, thank you" she felt uneasy and a nagging feeling settled on her stomach but she ignored it and went back to pack everything she was going to need at her wedding, Tina and Brittany were waiting for her and they were going to help her get ready.

"Rachel" just the sound of Quinn's melodic and almost pleading tone made her freeze on the spot, "you can't do this."

"I knew it!" the brunette accused her as she turned around pointing an accusatory finger at Quinn's direction, "you still have feelings for Finn, don't you?"

"This isn't about him" Quinn said in a calmer tone that Rachel expected. But Quinn looked determined; it was obvious that she was being honest.

"Then what's this about!" she yelled, mostly because she wasn't used to see this side of Quinn, this vulnerable and completely true side of her personality and it scared her.

But could Rachel be that blind? Quinn wondered. Santana had noticed then how come Rachel hasn't?

"This is about you" Quinn said barely above a whisper but the look of complete confuse on Rachel's face made her utter her next words. "I like _you_, not Finn."

The look of confusion on the brunette's eyes was quickly replaced by one of anger. "And you realized this on my wedding day?"

It was Quinn's turn to be surprised and taken aback because out of all the scenarios that she had imagined –and she had imagined a few- she never thought that this could backfire in any way possible.

"No, no, I've always…"

"You've always liked me?!" Rachel mocked her and shook her head in disappointment, "Really, Quinn? Really? You are willing to go that low just to stop this wedding? How can do something like this?" and that look, the look that Rachel gave her telling her that she didn't believe a single word, in her head everything that Quinn just said was just another scheme, another way to humiliate her, it broke Quinn's heart.

But she wasn't going to give up, not when she had finally admitted it out loud. She was no longer ashamed, she had dealt with that feeling for the last three years of her life, she had accepted herself, she had kissed the ground but managed to stand once again and each time stronger than the time before.

"I like you Rachel, I really _really_ like you and I can't see you ruin your life like this, you can't," but Rachel wasn't listening, she had put everything is her bag and she was now pushing Quinn out of her room with all the force her petite form allowed her to, "what are you doing Rachel, please" she was on the edge of tears, things couldn't get any worse after that.

The chance she's been waiting was slowly slipping out of her own hands and the knowledge made her want to scream, hold onto to Rachel and never let go.

"Leave. I'm marrying Finn, I love him and that's not something I just realized five minutes ago. I will not let you ruin the best day of my live when I'm marrying the man that I love. Leave and I don't want you at my wedding, I don't want to see you ever again."

The poison, the rage, the daggers send her way by the girl that she loved were enough to make her realize that she had really lost her chance. It felt like a nightmare that Quinn needed to wake up right then because Rachel's rejection hurt ten times worse than she ever imagined.

"Please, Rachel" she begged as Rachel pushed her out of her house. She knew well that anyone passing by would be able to see her begging and crying at the Berry's porch but she didn't care. "Please, I'm being honest with you, you have to believe me" the tears fell down her cheeks but Rachel didn't even look at her and with one swift move of her wrist she closed the front door of her house and jumped inside the car of her dads that was just arriving to pick her up.

Quinn stood motionless and completely out of herself as she stared at the car until it disappeared around the corner, her shoulders were shaking, her breathing was erratic, it hurt too much.

When she gave up Beth she thought that she had experienced real pain, real loss but oh boy she was wrong because this was tearing her to piece from the inside out and she couldn't cope with the pain.

She wasn't going to be able to drive in that state so she locked her car and chose to walk home instead.

Her mother wasn't home, as usual. The empty and ridiculously big house greeted her but it felt hollow, the place had never represented home in any way. The four walls meant one thing only; Judy's win in court after the big and messy divorce, Quinn's custody had also been under Judy's arm that day when her mother walked out of the court house.

T_his will cover you for the week. I'll be back next Monday. Love you, mom. _She grabbed the stick note on the fridge and stared at it before she looked at the three hundred dollars attached to the note.

It didn't upset her as it used to, being home alone with a couple of hundreds and no family to lean on but loneliness sure hit her in the chest when she realized that there was anyone who would be interested in hear about her problems.

Without thinking clearly she walked to her mother's cabinet in the living room and pulled out a bottle of vodka, the label didn't matter, she just wanted to forget and make the pain go away and she didn't know a better way to accomplish that task.

That was it, she had just said it out loud, hasn't she?

She did, she said it out loud, she didn't care about the consequences of coming out anymore, and she needed to do it because it was killing her, it had been killing her for the last three years.

She poured her fifth drink and felt the burning sensation of the alcohol down her throat, it was too late. Rachel was probably Mrs. Hudson by then and the thought alone made her sick to her stomach but there was nothing she could do, not anymore.

She was starting to feel ditzy even though she already had six drinks when she heard the slamming of a car door outside of her house and then someone was knocking on her door, for a moment she thought of not answering but then then knocking became full punches and so she stood up and walked to the front door with much difficulty.

"Damn it Q, if you're in there open this damn door now!" she blinked a couple of times and struggled with the chain just above the handle of the door but she got it open eventually and stood staring at an angry and very worried Santana, her awful bridesmaid dress looked a bit funny on her but she knew better than mocking the brunette at that moment.

"How was the party?" asked Quinn as she stood aside and walked to the living room again, bottle of vodka in hand.

"You're drunk," said Santana and without waiting for an answer she went up the stairs of Quinn's house. The blonde sat on the couch again, pouring another drink on her mother's favorite glass. "Where's Berry?" asked the latina coming into Quinn's sight again, that made the blonde stand up to attention, well try to stand up.

She blinked a couple of times thinking about what her friend just said but eventually all the memories came back rushing to her mind. Whoever said that alcohol was a good way to forget had obviously been mistaken because Quinn could still remember with clarity the way Rachel pushed her out of her house and told her that she never wanted to see her again.

"What do you mean? She's getting married," and her voice cracked as Santana rolled her eyes but the worrisome look on her face was still there.

"Everything was going good but then she ran away, everybody is looking for her, I decided to come here and check on you first and I find you drunk, what happened?" she demanded to know but Quinn's instincts kicked in, as they always did when it concerned a certain brunette.

She didn't need to hear anything else, and she grabbed her car keys from the coffee table and ran to the door of her house, she got to her car and just when she was about to open the driver's door Santana snatched the keys out of her hands without much difficulty, "give me those!"

"Are you fucking serious right now? You can't even stand straight and you want to go for a ride?"

"I know where she is, give me the keys!" Santana thought for a moment and then she nodded her head but didn't hand her the keys.

"Get in, I won't let you drive like this so I'll drive you" there was no need in getting into a fight with Santana right now, so Quinn just got in the car and Santana started the engine "Where to?"

"School, take me to the school," what would possess Rachel to run away from her own wedding? Didn't she say that it was the happiest day of her life, that Finn was the man that she loves?

She took a few deep calming breaths, Rachel had to be ok or she didn't know what she would do. The alcohol was starting to wear out with every flying street light, Rachel had to be alright.

"You look good" said Santana as she took another left and Quinn looked down at her clothes and realized she was wearing her cheerleading uniform. A weight settle on her chest one more time.

"Thanks" she said, "can you go any faster?"

"Not if we want to get there alive" it wasn't common to see Santana like this, just being real, a friend, someone to lean on, someone who genuinely cared.

Of course Santana knew, she had always known and Quinn didn't need to tell her at all, they had an unspoken rule that didn't allowed them to talk about this stuff out loud, that's why they were such good friends once, that's why they worked well together and that's why they clashed as strong as they did.

As soon as Santana stopped the car in front of school Quinn jumped out and ran, she ran faster than she had ever run and there was only one place in her mind.

It didn't take long before she stood outside the auditorium; the alcohol in her system wasn't in control of her body anymore and she was thankful for that.

She pushed the door open and saw her, there sitting on the bench of the piano Rachel was wearing her wedding dress pressing random notes.

Quinn thanked God and let out a breath she's been holding before she took a deep breath and started to make her way over there, she realized they weren't random keys once she was in hearing range; it was 'I feel pretty' the song they sang together last year when she was dating Finn, when they were fighting over him or at least when everyone thought that they were fighting over him.

How in denial has she actually been?

"Rachel" she called but the brunette didn't turned around and so Quinn stepped closer, "Rachel, are you ok?" this time Rachel nodded but didn't stop playing the song in slow motion, "Rachel, what happened?" asked Quinn after a couple of seconds of just staring at the broke girl in front of her.

"I have to say that there was a part of me, a small part of me that was hoping that _he_ will be the one to find me here," Quinn didn't know what to say, she was feeling angry because they boy didn't know Rachel that much, anyone who would have been paying attention to the diva would have known that this is where she would run, that the auditorium gave her the peace her life sometimes lacked. That this was her place to go.

"Rachel, I…"

"Did you mean it?" she turned around on the bench and locked eyes with Quinn and the blonde could see how devastated Rachel was at that moment, she was broken, confused, hurt but mostly confused.

"Yes" she whispered and stepped closer with Rachel's eyes never leaving hers.

"Why?" she asked and Quinn saw a new set of tears streaming down the face she loved so much.

It never hurt to see Rachel cry more than it did at that moment, the sight of the girl crying was enough to rip Quinn's heart in two and that's how she knew that everything that she felt was real because she wanted to make the tears go away and put a smile on that lovely face.

"Why not?" she sat next to Rachel on the bench, forcing herself to not touch the girl although that was everything that she wanted to do, "you are so beautiful and I'm always thinking about you" she kept her distance, she didn't want to make Rachel feel uncomfortable but it was so hard to be so close and yet so far.

"You're drunk" said Rachel, she wasn't mad but she wasn't happy either, she wanted to have this talk with Quinn, but with a sober Quinn.

"Just a little bit" said Quinn indicating with her index finger and thumb, Rachel couldn't help it and chuckled, Quinn was acting kind of adorable and it was a light change, a welcome demeanor in such a time.

"You are still wearing your uniform" she had noticed the first moment she saw Quinn, that cheerleading outfit looked really good on the blonde, it gave her a new and better image of herself. She looked ready to take on the world and that look was a good one for Quinn Fabray.

"You haven't changed either" she was trying to keep away but her mind and her body weren't working together anymore, maybe the run just made the vodka work harder now that she thought about it.

"I ran from my own wedding, what's your excuse?"

"I was getting drunk after the girl I love told me that she's in love with a giant ass and left to marry him."

Yeah, that tricky vodka was charging her in the wrong moment. She licked her lips and tried to focus on Rachel's beautiful face but the room was spinning harder than before, she noticed her hands starting to get numb, she was drunker than she thought she was.

"You…" Rachel was speechless, in love? Quinn Fabray in love with her? It couldn't be, "you are drunk" she finally said standing up from the bench before she couldn't take, she couldn't believe it.

"And in love" said an amused Quinn who was now supporting her weight on the piano as she tried to stand as well, her words dragging along with her smile.

"Stop" asked Rachel, it was too much and she wasn't even sure why she ran from her wedding, everything was so confusing all of the sudden, "just stop" she begged and at the same time demanded.

"No, I won't keep it a secret anymore, I love you and I have for three years now" Rachel was even more speechless now, her eyes wide as she stared at the blonde that was looking at her like she was the center of her earth.

"What, you're not, you are…" she was shaking her head because _the _Quinn Fabray was in love with her? It couldn't be, the thought alone wasn't even supposed to be a possibility.

"I'd try to kiss right now but I think I'll fall on my face if I stand up" the blond confessed as she looked at her legs with a frowning face.

It was adorable but at the same time it wasn't. Rachel was actually thinking of an adorable Quinn as her entire life took a drastic change. She didn't know why she had ran away, she just knew that she couldn't go through with it when all she could think about was Quinn on her door step as she held Finn's hand.

When the blond lost balance, Rachel stepped closer and stabilized her as Quinn giggled and sent an accusatory look at her traitor legs.

"Come here, you need to take a nap," Rachel's cellphone rang for the millionth time that afternoon and when she saw Santana's name she furrowed, "It's Santana" she told Quinn even though the blonde was beyond drunk and probably didn't catch it.

She answered the call and asked for help to get the blonde out of there. Santana rolled her eyes as she helped Rachel carry the girl to her car, Quinn was supposed to help Rachel at that moment not the other way around but at the same time she was relieved that she found the girl.

Santana drove while Quinn slept on Rachel's legs and per the brunette's request she took them to Quinn's house. She could only imagined the way Quinn felt when she got home and read Judy's note besides she understood that Rachel wanted to be out of her own house for the night.

When she parked Quinn's redbug Santana picked the blonde up and took her inside the house, she was the head cheerleader after all and Quinn didn't weight that much. She laid her friend on the large couch of the living room and went upstairs to bring a blanket and covered her.

As Quinn was dead to the world, Rachel felt completely uncomfortable in her wedding dress and specially after witnessing such a caring and sweet side of Santana.

"Do you think I can borrow something to wear?" asked a hesitant Rachel and was surprised to see Santana's eyes trained on her with a soft stare.

"Of course, come with me" said Santana and they made their way upstairs and into Quinn's room.

Quinn's room was nothing like Rachel expected it to be, there weren't any cheerios trophies in every corner or pictures of her ex-boyfriends hanging anywhere.

It was intimate and peaceful; it was almost like a sanctuary and just so Quinn that it scared Rachel a little bit at knowing how much had actually knew the blonde.

There was a queen size bed with a dark cover in the middle of the room, a nightstand on each side with two matching white lamps, A desk, to the right, a vanity to the left, a flat screen television right in front of the bed, a stereo and a large collection of cd's and dvd's, the closet looked big and Santana walked straight into it, opening it and pulling out some clothes like it's her own house, like she's been there on countless occasions.

Rachel looked around, the walls were covered in paper, posters of singers that Rachel didn't recognize, poems, quotes, but most of the papers were hand written and it intrigued her to no end because she always knew that Quinn loved to read but she never imagined that books were actually a passion for the blond.

"Here" said Santana pulling her out of her thoughts and handing some cheerios sweats and a white top.

"This is beautiful" said Rachel at a lack of a better term and motioning to the room, Santana shrugged and helped Rachel out of her dress.

"Girl's got her own style" she said as she grabbed Rachel's dress and threw it on the bed without a care.

As Rachel put on the sweats she noticed the Glee framed picture on the vanity and she thought about asking Santana about it but this wasn't her room and being there without Quinn felt a bit wrong, so she dressed quickly and left the room, Santana also grabbed something and now she was wearing red shorts and a hoodie and they went down the stairs together.

Quinn's smell was lingering in the clothes that she was wearing and Rachel caught herself sniffing at the collar of the top she had on, Santana watched and smirked in silence but other than that she kept to herself.

She wasn't as blind and uncaring as everybody seemed to believe she was.

Santana went to the kitchen and Rachel sat across the large couch where Quinn was sound sleep.

Could it be real? Has Quinn actually admitted that she is in love with Rachel? Was that even a possibility?

"Stop being a creep, Berry" said Santana as she dropped herself on one couch, beer in hand and offering one to Rachel.

"Is it true?" asked Rachel taking the offered beer and staring at Santana. She needed answers, she needed to know that she wasn't being mocked; she needed to believe that had left her boyfriend on the altar for a good reason even if she wasn't sure of anything at that moment.

Santana took a sip of the bottle and stared at her sleeping friend.

How to put this nicely?

How was she going to manage to tell Rachel everything without crossing any lines, without hurting the girl in the process and without reveling too much of her best friend?

There was no way to say anything without revealing too much, she realized.

"Are you fucking blind? Have you seen the way she looks at you? The way she speaks about you? The way she speaks _at _you? You are not that stupid, Berry. You are not that blind," she took a long gulp of the beer as Rachel blinked and looked away, ashamed.

She had noticed all of those things but the idea was ridiculous, so she never actually let that idea run free. There was just no way that Quinn Fabray was in love with her. No way.

"I didn't… I never…"

"You never paid attention and she was always too much of a chicken shit to actually do something about it".

Rachel looked up and saw Santana's hard expression, she was disappointed but she was also hurt, she felt for Quinn and for the first time ever, Rachel saw just how close the two cheerleaders really were.

She had never had a best friend but if she did, she'd wish to have someone as honest as Santana by her side.

"I thought she hated me," whispered Rachel and Santana put the empty bottle on the coffee table. She stood and went to the kitchen but after five minutes Rachel stood up and went to check on her.

Santana was on the corner of the kitchen, sitting on top of the counter, a bottle of bear by her side and another in her hand, her expression was a hard one, eyes focused on nothing in particular. She was deep in thought.

"Santana?

"She has gone through so much" said the brunette and Rachel nodded her head as took one stop closer to the troubled latina, "I know I'm not a great friend but I've been there, I've held her hand through thick and thin, we've both made mistakes with this twisted friendship, but we've been there for each other when things got real, we've been there" she whispered the last part and it looked like she was talking to herself, analyzing their relationship because she needed it and so Rachel didn't interrupt her.

"She never hated you, she was never a mean girl, everything she did, she did it for the rep, to be on top, to get that stupid prom queen crown, to make her parents proud." She laughed bitterly at the mention of Quinn's parents and raised the bottle to her lisp again.

"You were an easy target" this time Santana did look at Rachel and locked eyes with the shorter girl. The cheerleader was conflicted and apologetic and as she thought about everything Rachel could see the disgust that those memories brought her.

"Everybody was already picking on you, making fun of you," Rachel looked down as memories hit her as well.

She was bullied for these two girls for so long but they've come a long way and Rachel knew that they've grown so much, nobody in Glee Club was the same person that they were two years ago.

"I knew, I always knew but I was going through the same and I was so scared," Santana's voice cracked and she took a deep breath, "I was so freaked out, I didn't want it, for so long I tried to be someone I'm not and she was going through the same, only her situation was a thousand times more fucked up than mine" Santana stopped talking to finish the beer she was holding, she quickly opened the next one and took a long gulp again as Rachel just waited.

"Her dad was a idiot and her mother just went with it, when Russell finally left, Quinn was already fucked up to no end, she has never shared anything deep with me, with anybody, she can't because that's what she learned in this house, to hide her feelings in order to make others happy, in order to make her parents proud, in order to be what other people expect her to be, do you know how fucked up that is?" Santana was angry, she felt for Quinn.

"To teach your child to hide her feelings in order to be perfect?" the last word was spoken with disgust and Rachel felt tears behind her eyelids forming, Santana was already crying but they were enraged tears.

"Judy stopped trying and now she's always traveling, doing anything to stay away from the house, you think that Quinn doesn't realize that she does it to stay away from her? I realize and I'm not even living here with them, one look at them and you know that they are not close, Judy doesn't know her, she can't help her and Quinn won't let her even if she tried, do you have any idea of what they've done to her?" Santana jumped from the counter, pointing to the living room with her index finger where Quinn was sleeping; Rachel's tears were still streaming down her face as she heard every word that was falling from Santana's lips.

She had no idea, no idea of what was happening with Quinn's life, she had no idea even when she tried to be there for the blonde, she didn't know a thing.

"She sucks at showing her feelings but you can't really blame her for that, she is great at hiding them, she is a fucking professional in lying, in tricking, in manipulate people because that's what she learned here, that's what she was told to do in order to make it, but the more you get to know her the more you realize that that's not the real her, she doesn't like to do that stuff, she doesn't like to lie, she hates to manipulate, she loads to trick others, she hates to pretend that she is better than the rest, she hates to have that kind of power and not be able to do the right thing with it, she hates it!"

Santana's hands were clenched in fists as she greeted out the last words, Rachel could see the desperation behind her dark eyes and she wonder how many times had been on the edge of sharing all that information with somebody that was willing to listen.

"And then you happened and I've never seen her like that and I know her since we were in diapers. Do you know that after you got slushied we had to do suicidals? Every time you got slushied the squad paid for it, and when I tried to get closer, I got the worst part. I was going through the same but I wanted to be there for her. She never let me and I never tried any harder, I stayed back and watched everything happened, the looks, the stares, the longing, the hurt, she was fucking dying and she was doing everything she could to be close to you but everything backed fired, every attempt was in vain and you never noticed, you never took the time to noticed her."

Santana's voice cracked as did Rachel's heart.

"I offered her a friendship"

"And she refused because she was dying, she wanted to be so much more and you were chasing tale while torturing her at the same time, do you know how awful it is to be so close but so far away at the same time?"

"I didn't know" Rachel was crying harder now, just thinking about the amount of pain she had caused without even knowing was enough guilt to carry for the rest of her life.

"I don't blame you," Santana's voice broke and tears fell more freely now, "neither does she, she loves you, she always has and if I'm correct she always will. You are everything for her, everything she can't have and everything she will always want".

Santana left the kitchen, leaving Rachel alone to cry as she thought about every encounter that she's had with Quinn because everything had a different meaning now, everything had changed.

She dropped to the floor very slowly and sat with her knees tightly held against her chest, her face buried in her legs.

How could she have known?

She never knew, she never noticed because it was just not a possibility, because how in the world did Quinn Fabray fell for her, there was no way. There was no explanation for something like that happening. Quinn was the prettiest girl she's ever met and she was… she was Rachel Berry.

She didn't notice when her sobs grew in volume or when a blonde girl slowly dragged herself out of the couch and into the kitchen.

Quinn fell when she was about to enter the kitchen, her hands hitting the ground really hard and her knees getting the worst part, she didn't hit her face though and she looked up to see a worried Rachel crawl to her side in a hurry.

But before Rachel had the chance to get worried about her, Quinn was sitting against the wall and reaching out to touch Rachel.

"You're crying," said Quinn with a broken voice and worrisome in her features because it hurt, not the fall but to see the girl she loved crying so hard about something, probably the canceled wedding, probably Finn and she wanted to fix those problems, she didn't want to be the cause of any pain in Rachel's life, not anymore.

"Are you ok?" asked Rachel at the same time that Quinn slipped down and lay on her back on the kitchen floor.

"Yeah" she said but Rachel was inspecting her body, she took her hands and rubbed them like trying to ease the pain that Quinn didn't feel or couldn't feel at the moment because of her numbed state but still the image was enough to get Quinn's intoxicated blood on fire.

"You fell pretty hard" said Rachel as she touched Quinn's knee and the blonde jumped at the contact; that did hurt. Rachel sent her a sympathy look and she rubbed her knees one more time with more care.

"Tell me why you were crying" said Quinn as she squeezed the hand she was holding and Rachel came back up and grabbing a hold of Quinn's head, she lifted it and placed her in her lap.

She freed Quinn's hair from the tight ponytail and started to run her fingers on the short hair as Quinn stared at her with a look she couldn't read and then it hit her.

She had always wanted to run her fingers through Quinn's hair and she felt content while doing it, comfortable even. Quinn smiled softly and reached to cup her cheek and Rachel loved that smile, that pure and real smile, the warmth contact of Quinn's skin, the softness of everything that the blonde represented.

These were not friendly feelings, this longing for the blonde had always been there, then why did she buried it?

"I was talking to Santana" said Rachel and Quinn's eyes went wide, the soft smile was gone and her lips were now pursed together forming a thin line.

"What did she say to you?" Santana was not a word person and Rachel was crying, there was no way that that talk went well by any means.

"We were talking about you," said Rachel as she ran her fingers through blond hair one more time and scratch the scalp making Quinn close her eyes and enjoy the feeling. "I don't know how I feel about it and I don't know what any of this means Quinn" Rachel begged but just when Quinn was about to interrupt her, she placed a finger on those pink lips, effectively silencing the blonde.

"She told me everything," a tear rolled down Quinn's face and Rachel was quick to wipe it off with her thumb, they locked eyes as Quinn held onto her wrist, "she made me realize so much" Quinn let go of her wrist and reached out to cup her cheek again, suddenly feeling a little bit more comfortable with Rachel knowing her story like Santana did.

She was begging but Rachel didn't know what. Those hazel eyes were begging her for something, anything and Rachel found out that she wanted to give Quinn whatever she needed and that feeling had always been there, not just tonight and not after Quinn's revelation.

"All I know is that I ran from my own wedding today because of you, because of the possibility that you might love me" Rachel smiled as her tears fell and Quinn was quick to wipe them away.

"I do love you," said Quinn and Rachel chuckled through her tears "God, you are so beautiful, just so beautiful".

"I didn't know you were this charming" said Rachel and Quinn smiled.

"I'm only this way with you" smiled Quinn.

They fell into a comfortable silence, just staring at each other, caressing each other's cheeks, wiping each other's tears when they fell and a surprising turn of events. It wasn't the way that particular evening should have gone.

"You are wearing my clothes" said Quinn after a couple of minutes of just staring at Rachel. The brunette blushed a deep shade of red and Quinn smiled adoringly. She had felt envious of her own clothes before.

"Santana" said Rachel and Quinn nodded understanding.

"You look good" said Quinn as she stared at the white top that was hugging Rachel's body so tightly and felt jealous of the item for a split second but then she felt kind of proud and full of herself because Rachel was wearing _her_ clothes. She was practically hugging every inch of Rachel's body.

"Why are you smiling?" asked Rachel as she ran her fingers through blonde locks again, she was amused and Quinn was more than happy.

"You staying the night?" asked Quinn, trying to avoid the topic of conversation, Rachel smiled knowingly and bit her bottom lip, Quinn licked her lips unconsciously at the sight.

"Can I?" Quinn nodded quickly, eagerly and Rachel chuckled again while Quinn smirked, the alcohol wasn't going anywhere Rachel noticed.

"My bed is really big" said the cheerleader, smirk still in place and Rachel laughed at the insinuation.

"I noticed that when I was in there," Quinn quirked an eyebrow and Rachel shook her head, "where do you think I got the clothes from?" Quinn didn't say anything and Rachel was starting to think that maybe Quinn was a bit upset because she's already been in her room without her permission.

"Did you like it?" asked the blonde after a couple of minutes and Rachel ran her fingers one more time through her hair realizing that Quinn had been worried and not upset.

"It's peaceful, calming, a little bohemian and kind of a puzzle, yeah, I like it" said the brunette and Quinn smiled rolling her eyes for good measure.

"So, did my bed looked comfy?" asked Quinn and Rachel laughed again, this was a side of Quinn that she's never seen before and she doubt that someone might know it. This was a carefree Quinn, a funny and flirty Quinn.

"You are adorable" said Rachel.

"Well, you are quiet adorable yourself miss Berry" said Quinn as she tried to stand up.

So maybe things were going to be alright when the sun came down but Santana knew that they would at least be better.

….

_I remember I was writing this before I came up with 'The Event' and suddenly this stayed behind but I've been going through all my ff pieces this weekend and I just couldn't leave this behind one more time. I hope you enjoyed it even if it doesn't have a clear ending. _

_Have a nice day :) _


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